Summer Ghost by Otsuichi

Author:Otsuichi
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Tags: light novel
Publisher: Seven Seas Entertainment
Published: 2023-07-11T00:00:00+00:00

“I wonder if maybe I’m just too weak to go on living like everyone else seems to do,” Aoi wrote, in a paragraph she posted to our group DM. “Like, I’m always stressing myself out over the tiniest things that I know other people wouldn’t even give a second thought. I’ll get excited and say something that’s maybe a little too excited in the heat of the moment. Later on, I regret it later and wish I was dead.”

She didn’t seem to be looking for a response to what she was saying, or like she wanted any sort of advice—this was just her own way of venting.

“At least death is quick. You just have to endure a few ­moments of pain and then you can sleep forever. I’m still not sure how I should do it, honestly—I did a little research into hydrogen sulfide the other day but I’m not sure if that’s realistic for me or not.”

“Wouldn’t if I were you. Apparently the lasting side effects are pretty brutal if you screw that one up and somehow survive.”

“Yeah. And wasn’t there that one story about the guy whose family tried to save him and ended up breathing in too much of it themselves? Bad idea, for sure.”

We talked about different suicide methods like this from time to time.

“Remind me again, Aoi—didn’t you say you were gonna decide when to kill yourself based on the weather that day?”

“Yeah. I wanna wake up that morning, open the curtains, and if I see a beautiful blue sky out the window? I’ll go, ‘Yeah, maybe today’s the day.’ So I’m thinking something quick and easy that I can set up on whim whenever the impulse strikes me would be good. Maybe just plain old hanging or something would be my best bet.”

“What about sleeping pills? Just gotta swallow ’em, and you’re good to go.”

“I dunno about that. You’ve gotta take a heck of a lot of those to actually overdose.”

“Plus, wouldn’t it be kinda weird to wake up the morning of, see that it’s a beautiful day, and then go right back to sleep?”

“Not if you ask me. It’d be just like going back to bed and sleeping in for a little while.”

“Yeah, or for an eternity.”

I messaged back and forth with them like this pretty frequently these days—on the train to and from cram school, and during breaks between study hours. Aoi apparently spent her entire summer vacation cooped up at home. As for Ryo, on days when he didn’t have to go to the hospital, he said he often went and sat in on his underclassmen’s basketball practices or spent quality time with his family.

“Come to think of it, I read that there’s a way to hang yourself while lying in bed. Seems kind of counterintuitive to me.”

“Nah. As long as there’s something to hang the rope from above your neck, you can totally do it. People hang themselves in their hospital beds all the time, apparently.”

“Is that something you’re considering, Ryo-kun?”

“If my health deteriorates to the point where I’m totally bedridden, maybe, yeah.

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